Schools are meant to be happy and supportive places where everyone is welcome and relationships are fostered to be positive and productive.
Realistically, this doesn’t happen by accident and it needs to be defined and maintained. This sometimes relies on difficult conversations!
A lot of people might be okay with some challenging conversations when they are in their personal life but struggle at work, or perhaps the other way around. Understanding what your strengths are in this area and where you find it difficult, is a really useful starting point.
Once you work this out, you can then look at how to make aspects of managing difficult conversations easier.
The Importance of Managing Difficult Conversations for School Leaders
Why school leaders must master difficult conversations
Handling difficult conversations is an essential skill for school leaders to cultivate. These conversations, while often uncomfortable, present opportunities for growth and strengthening relationships with colleagues. By approaching such dialogues with empathy, active listening, and a solutions-oriented mindset, school leaders can navigate challenging situations effectively and foster an environment of mutual understanding and respect.
The consequences of avoiding difficult conversations
Avoiding difficult conversations can be tempting, but it often leads to unresolved issues festering and negatively impacting the team and school environment. When challenging topics are left unaddressed, tensions can build, miscommunications can fester, and morale may suffer, ultimately undermining the school’s effectiveness and cohesion.
Unaddressed issues have a tendency to escalate into more significant problems over time. What may have started as a minor misunderstanding or disagreement can quickly snowball into a major conflict or crisis if not tackled promptly and honestly.
It is, therefore, essential for school leaders to face difficult conversations head-on, fostering an open and transparent culture where concerns can be raised, discussed, and resolved in a constructive manner.
Preparing for a Difficult Conversation
Be prepared but remain flexible: considering different scenarios
When preparing for a difficult interaction as a teacher, whether this is with the children or their parents or a school leader or colleague you need to anticipate different reactions and responses from the different people you’re speaking with. Prepare for various scenarios, but remain open to adjusting your approach as needed and remain professional when dealing with meetings. Stay focused on the conversation’s goal and outcome, while being willing to adapt your approach to achieve it.
Plan the conversation: setting goals and outcomes
By planning the conversation ahead of time it avoids having and awkward spur of the moment talk, which could do more damage than good. Schedule a time and place where you can meet with the individual/ individuals on mutual ground to discuss the matter, for example at school or college. Think about what you’ll say and when you’ll say it, considering the timing and potential questions. When speaking and delivering the difficult message be prepared to stay calm, even-tempered, and remain flexible to adapt to the conversation’s progression.
Rather than approaching a potentially difficult conversation from a place of being defensive and ready for an attack, you need to have empathy and think things through beyond your own emotions. Think of how the other person will feel during the conversation and allow them to process their emotions. If you see they’re really struggling with what you’ve said, pause for a minute while they collect themselves.
Clearly explain why you’re having the conversation to help them fully understand where you’re coming from. If they’re really taking the news poorly, remind them that you are there to support them. Working together rather than against each other is always going to feel better for you both.
Effective Communication Strategies for School Leaders
- Speak calmly and respectfully to the other person, avoiding raising your voice or getting emotional.
- Focus on the conversation and the message you’re trying to convey, rather than letting emotions dictate your tone.
- Use a coaching style to show respect for the person’s skills and experience.
- Actively listen to the other person when they’re speaking, avoiding interrupting and focusing on understanding their perspective.
- Show empathy and understanding, and acknowledge the person’s emotions and concerns.
- Use open-ended questions to encourage the person to share their thoughts and feelings.
- Stay focused on the topic at hand, avoiding tangents and distractions.
- Be specific and provide concrete examples to support your points, and offer solutions and explanations to help the person understand your perspective.
- Use “I” statements to express your thoughts and feelings, rather than making accusatory statements.
Strategies for Successful Outcomes
Offer a solution: finding mutually beneficial outcomes
To have successful difficult conversations it is crucial to adopt a constructive and collaborative approach. Provide a possible solution or suggest a way to improve the situation, clearly explaining why a particular approach is necessary.
This demonstrates a willingness to find a resolution and avoids placing blame. Offer concrete examples and thorough explanations to help the other person understand your perspective, and be open to finding a mutually beneficial outcome.
Actively listen to their viewpoint and seek to understand their concerns. Focus on finding a solution that works for both parties, rather than trying to “win” the conversation. By fostering an environment of open dialogue, empathy, and compromise, school leaders can effectively address challenging issues, strengthen relationships, and create a more positive and productive work environment for all.
Let silence do the heavy lifting: using silence to facilitate discussion
Silence can be a powerful tool, it’s the time in a conversation, particularly the difficult ones when what has been discussed and the feedback given people can reflect and respond. Allow for pauses to give the other person time to process the information shared and encourage them to express their thoughts and feelings openly. Avoid the temptation to fill the silence with unnecessary words. Instead, let the person’s response guide the conversation’s direction organically.
Silence creates a safe and respectful environment, fostering a sense of comfort that enables individuals to share their perspectives without feeling rushed or pressured. By embracing silence, school leaders can facilitate more meaningful and productive dialogues, ultimately leading to greater understanding and resolution.
Timing is everything: considering the timing of the conversation
Consider the best time of day to have the discussion, avoiding periods when the person may be stressed or distracted. Think about addressing the issue promptly and honestly, in relation to when it occurred.
Be mindful of the person’s schedule and availability, aiming to find a mutually convenient time for both parties. Thoughtful timing not only demonstrates respect for the individual but also increases the likelihood of a productive dialogue by ensuring both parties are mentally present and focused on resolving the matter at hand.
Key take-away:
Some difficult conversations take place with no warning, and only experience, background knowledge and quick thinking can help you through!
Most others, however, can be predicted, planned for and usually are best not being postponed. As we have discussed, you can use them to improve so many things. Good luck!
For further strategies and the science behind our experiences, check out the course with Thirsty Scholars to learn more about yourself and how to manage difficult conversations. Once you have mastered what works for you, you can approach a variety of situations with far greater ease.
Ella Savelle-Boss is a consultant, guest author and writer for Connex Academy. Ella has written a number of courses for Thirsty Scholars including *Awareness of Managing Difficult Conversations. For more information on ‘Managing Difficult Conversations’ click here.
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If you would like any more information, please do not hesitate to contact us by email at info@connex-academy.com or call 01253 543 660.
